Why We Have ‘Em

25 Sep

Recently fellow dadblogger and friend of the blog, Alan Kercinik (find him at Always Jacked) just had his third (boy). Inspired by his news I thought I’d share my thoughts, now that UnDorkMommy and I are on the other side of our childbearing years, on what the motivators were behind the decision to have each of our children. To be clear, the decision of when to have children, how many to have and why we have them is incredibly personal and different for everyone. The intention behind this blogpost is not to make judgments on or espouse values onto other people, but rather to express my own thoughts as they relate to my own life.

why we have em

1We had you because we dreamed about you our entire lives. It was the promise of the joy you would bring and the thrill of unknown adventures. It was all the stories of all the parents who’d come before. It was our naïve (though ultimately, totally justified) enthusiasm of youth. It was as much our own selfish desires as it was the timeless pull of instinct. Every decision in our lives we made with you in mind. Step by step, decision by decision, choice by choice, we worked our way towards you. Even before you were here you were at the very center of the life and the home we built together. We waited as long as we could, but no longer than we had to. We knew, just as we’d always known, that every other dream we had took a back seat to the dream of you, and if none of our other dreams came true, realizing the dream of you would make everything else worthwhile. We couldn’t imagine our lives without you, even before we met you.

For this reason, you are the most wanted child in the world.

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2We had you because as amazing as the first experience was, we quickly realized (and to some degree always knew) that it just wasn’t enough. Without you there was always something missing. Whether it was learning to share, squabbling in the back seat, the happy-squealing sounds of play in the backyard, or the challenge of balancing another totally different personality, in our hearts we knew our family needed siblings. We knew you would need each other to tell and keep secrets, to challenge you when you might not be right, to learn to balance the needs of other people, to grow through life together and to commiserate with when your parents get old and crazy. We knew we needed to balance the equation – to make sure the kids had at least as many seats at the table as the adults. We knew that, at least the way we imagined things, we needed you to make us feel like a family.

For this reason, you are the most wanted child in the world.

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3We had you because we wanted you – plain and simple. Although it meant stretching things a little tighter and putting off retirement a little longer let’s be clear, like an extra scoop of ice cream after dinner, you were a luxury. Although three children are more than anyone has a right to hope for, the experience of the first two was so amazing, so wonderful we just couldn’t bear the thought of never doing it again. We had you out of pure selfishness. We wanted more love in our lives, more happy chaos, more notches on the growth chart, more art on the wall and more pictures on the fridge — despite the fact that all of it comes with more daily loads of laundry. We were a little older and a little wiser. We knew what having another would mean and we decided it was absolutely worth it. We had you because we could.

For this reason, you are the most wanted child in the world.

-Dork Dad

9 Responses to “Why We Have ‘Em”

  1. zeudytigre September 25, 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    This is great, and such lovely photos. Before I got married I was given some advice: ‘Don’t marry a man because you think you will be able to spend the rest of your life with him, marry him because you cannot bear to think of living another day without him.’ We wanted our children, but I had no idea how much until they arrived. They are a precious luxury and the greatest gift we have ever been given. Three kids is a perfect number; I feel unbelievably blessed every day to have them in our lives.

  2. Lynette September 25, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

    I would add to my list, having people who really ‘get’ my brand of crazy. Someone to pass my idiosyncrasies off to and hopefully only hate me through their teen years.

  3. sarahwriteshere2010 September 25, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    This is lovely. Just lovely. No doubt you’ve saved this to give to your children later on because you seem like that sort of man. But if you haven’t -you should. Thank you for sharing.

  4. klyse3 September 25, 2013 at 2:36 pm #

    This is simply beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing something this personal with us. I’m certain your children will appreciate it very, very much.

  5. kjysten September 25, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

    Beautifully written. We hoped for three, but with one born with migraine/pseudo tumor and other premature, we realized that we had a lot on out plates. I guess that’s why I always considered my students “my kids.” Would have had dozens if I could have.

    Your guys will really appreciate what you’ve written about them as they get older. My Dad wrote me a letter when I was born and it was given to me on my wedding day. He poured his heart out. He never got to see my wedding, but he did pick my husband when I was 11. He loved Chuck. (Dad died when I was 14.)

    His greatest message to me? “Semper fi!” It had worked through MANY years and a lot of S@%$#! Semper fi, Sam. LUV :>

  6. Escaping Elegance September 26, 2013 at 10:52 am #

    Love, love, love…LOVE this!

  7. howsuvigothergrooveback September 29, 2013 at 4:07 am #

    absolutely stunning and totally relatable! What a great dad you must be 🙂

    • dorkdad September 29, 2013 at 6:48 pm #

      That’s very kind of you to say. Sadly, one nice post does not a great dad make. I’ve got a long way to go.

  8. Alan T. Kercinik September 30, 2013 at 7:53 am #

    Just lovely. (And I’m flattered that our having three inspired someone to create something, rather than double check their personal brand of birth control.)

    What you said to #2 rings true for us: something was missing. I think we’ve felt that each time we had one of our boys. And each time, after meeting them, something clicked into place.

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