Archive | May, 2013

“Daddy, how does Superman shave?”

30 May




letter unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, you know that there’s a new Superman movie coming out this summer (June 14, thankyouverymuch). This is the movie that’s supposed to relaunch the franchise, and as you might guess I’ve been following its development for years. All during the lead up I hoped against hope that it would be a movie I could take my kids to. Then came the announcement of the PG-13 rating. Well crap. I guess we’ll be waiting a few years before the kids can see that one.

…but that doesn’t mean I can’t show them the trailers (much like I did with “The Hobbit”).

Besides being incredibly well crafted (they play me like a fiddle with themes of fatherhood as well as superhero-y goodness) the trailers show Clark Kent during his vagabond years between Smallville and Metropolis, as he’s trying to figure out who he is and what he’s going to do with his life. At some point he seems to wind up on a fishing trawler, “Deadliest Catch”-style, and while he’s pulling king crab out of the sea Clark Kent is sporting a very respectable beard. Then later, as he accepts the mantle of the Man of Steel, he appears again cleanly shorn — the clean-cut, all-American big, blue boyscout. The beard is something new to Superman lore. In his 75 years of service, Superman has never really done the facial hair thing. Before the “Man of Steel” trailers came out, a google search for “Superman beard” yielded precious few images. But search now and you’ll see this:


A couple Saturdays ago I was showing Episode IV and V the “Man of Steel” trailers on YouTube (there are 10 or so, if you count TV spots). After each one I could see the wheels in my 4.5 year old son’s head turning. I could tell his mind was chewing on something. After a few minutes he finally asked me, “Daddy, how does Superman shave?”

Think about it. The question totally makes sense. Dude is impervious to bullets, asteroids, knives, radiation (except the kryptonite-variety). What material on earth could possibly shave off the whiskers of an invulnerable super-being? As it turns out, Gillette has launched an advertising campaign on just that notion. They’ve employed top-notch TV scientists (and Kevin Smith) to discuss that very issue. “How does Superman shave?” Maybe my son has a future in advertising and marketing. You hear that Gillette?

(incidentally, if you want to see all their theories and weigh in on what your favorite is, click on the link here)

In any case, longtime readers may remember an older post “Now I’m Smooth” where Episode V came up to me one morning and asked for a shave. I used a picture in that post relevant to the topic at hand. You see, serious Superman nerds have known the answer to Gillette’s question for some time. Back in the mid-80’s DC comics rebooted the entire Superman character in a series coincidentally titled “Man of Steel”. In that series, artist John Byrne provided this gem of a picture to answer the question Gillette is asking now — “How does Superman shave?”


The answer, of course, is Kryptonian heat vision.

I just don’t want to know what burning Kryptonian hair smells like.

-Dork Dad

Force For Fun: Episode 3: Don’t Hold Your Breath

28 May

Week 3 of the Pringles Force For Fun, free Star Wars stuff giveaway starts now.

Pringles The Force For Fun Logo

The recipe for success:

1) Treat yourself to the YouTube video below.

2) Click on the super sweet Star Wars earbuds and enter for a chance to win them.


3) Tell all your friends.

May The Force be with you.

-Dork Dad

Force For Fun: Episode 2 – Darth Visits

20 May

Week 2 of the Pringles Force For Fun, free star wars stuff giveaway starts now.

Pringles The Force For Fun Logo

The recipe for success:

1) Treat yourself to the YouTube video below

2) Poke the Ewok with a stick to enter to win some free Star Wars stuff.



3) Tell all your friends.

May The Force be with you.

-Dork Dad

Dear People Magazine,

16 May


Dear People at People Magazine,


This past week when your most recent issue was delivered to my office I noticed a grave error on the cover. Normally I wouldn’t take the time two write in, but this error was so egregious I felt a moral obligation to help you make a correction.

You see, this week’s cover showcased a picture of Hollywood A-lister Gwynneth Paltrow with the heading “World’s Most Beautiful Woman!” Now I don’t have anything against Ms. Paltrow. I’m sure she’s a very nice person and she certainly is a lovely looking lady. I can see how your editing staff would be tempted to crown her “World’s Most Beautiful Woman!” but when they were considering candidates, I suspect they were unaware of another, lower-profile woman.

UnDorkMommy isn’t a movie star, and for that reason I can forgive your editing staff for being unaware. Had they known her I’m sure they would have made a very different choice for this week’s cover.

I have taken the liberty of mocking up a correction for your editing staff. No doubt as soon as you see it you will want to recall all of last week’s issues and publish a re-print with the more accurate cover I have provided below.

There. Isn't that better?

There. Isn’t that better?

Please send my regards to Ms. Paltrow. When she sees how beautiful UnDorkMommy is I’m sure she’ll agree a correction needs to be made.




Dork Daddy

What You Can’t Do With Kids – Lego Helm’s Deep

14 May



letter I try my best to bring as much “awesome” into my kids’ lives as possible. We go on nature hikes and I teach them about all the creepy crawlies we see. We build epic lego Super Star Destroyers. We’ve got a real working 1983 stand-up Star Wars arcade game in our garage. Heck, we built a freakin’ hovercraft in the backyard. I want my kids’ lives to be filled with magic. I want them to look back on their childhood and think “Wow. That was amazing!!” I want them to look around at the rest of the world and know that what we had during these precious, fleeting years was truly something special… something above and beyond… something legendary.

Helm's Deep 2

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for anyone to stroke my ego. I know my kids are having an epic childhood. But just when I’m starting to feel good about my epic dad-ness, something comes along to remind me not to rest on my laurels. I’ve known this feeling before. Right after I finished Episode V’s amazing Optimus Prime Halloween costume, Ron Fugelseth exploded onto the internet with his “Toy Train In Space” video.

Helm's Deep 3

Making its way through various dorky social media channels this morning, this collection of pictures stopped me in my tracks. Check out this monsterous Lego build of Helm’s Deep (from “The Lord of the Rings” for those of you who don’t know) by Rich K and Big J. It’s made of more than 150,000 bricks and 1,700 mini-figs. It weighs roughly 160 lbs and takes up an area roughly the size of a ping-pong table. At the moment it’s about 90% complete, but the entire completed build will be on public display at the Cincinatti Comic Con Expo in mid-September, and again at BrickWorld in Ford Wayne Tx. in late-September.

Helm's Deep 1

Helm's Deep 4

Helm's Deep 7

Call me crazy, but I see a project like this and think to myself “I could totally do that!”

Helm's Deep 8

Then I do a little quick mental calculus to see what it would take to make it happen in my house: 150,000 pieces at roughly $0.16 a piece (retail) comes to about… $24,000. That’s OK. Episode VI doesn’t need to move out of the closet into an actual bedroom for at least another year or two. Then there’s the build time. The two guys who put this together said it took about 4 months to build. Since I’ll be doing it largly by myself let’s count on 8 months locked away in the garage working — not interacting with my family. And while we’re talking about the garage, I suppose we’ll have to park the minivan out on the street for the next 8 months, since the garage is the only open ping-pong table sized workspace in the house.

Yeah. Right.

Helm's Deep 5

$24,000. 8 months away from my family. My wife dragging all three kids out in the rain to get them in the car. <<sarcasm>> Sounds like a plan! Let’s do this! <<sarcasm>>

Naw. There’s no way a responsible father with three little younglings who need to get to T-ball, and ballet practice, and open houses yadda, yadda, yadda, could make something like this happen for real. But you want to know what I CAN do? You want to know what could possibly be even MORE epic than building a $24,000 Lego replica of Helm’s Deep in your garage?

Taking your kids to the LegoExpo, seeing the display in person, turning to them with a wink and a knowing look in your eye and wispering quietly to them, “We could totally do that.”

Because we totally could.

-Dork Dad

Force For Fun: Episode 1 – Wookie Mistake

13 May


“With your wisdom, I’m sure that we can work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial and enable us to avoid any unpleasant confrontations.”

-Luke Skywalker, Star Wars Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

At long last. I’ve been hinting at it for weeks. But today is the day I finally get to officially launch:

free star wars stuff

At this point imagine if you will John Williams’s legendary score bursting on your ears, the familiar music bringing to the surface feelings and memories that have become an essential part of our cultural identity. The fanfare peaks. The emotions swell from within you. You’re just starting to get into it when all of a sudden…


…the needle scratches off the record.

“But wait a minute,” said my friend Shannon. “What if I don’t want any free Star Wars stuff? I come to your blog to read about your cute kids and your beautiful family. I don’t want to hear about someone trying to sell me something. That’s just obnoxious.”

OK. Here’s the deal:

Pringles, along with the people at Star Wars, have launched a 6-week campaign called “The Force For Fun”. They’ve recruited ten bloggers to help direct internet traffic towards the campaign. As incentive they’re offering participants the chance to win some cool Star Wars stuff. In addition, at the end of the 6 weeks, the blogger who directs the most traffic through his/her site to the campaign will win “The Ultimate Star Wars Weekend Getaway”. Now goodness knows how they found this blog or why they chose it to be one of the 10, but they did — and I’m very grateful. Ultimately, all they’re asking of me is to put you on to some pretty decent fan-made Star Wars/Pringles mash-up YouTube videos, and offer you a chance to win some cool Star Wars stuff once a week for five weeks. I can feel pretty good about that.

So here’s the promise we’re going to make each other:

I promise to keep things fun. I promise that I will do everything I can not to make this little contest be a drag. I will integrate it into the regular dorky stuff you typically see around here in a way that shouldn’t detract from the usual high standard of fun, dorky, family-ness you’ve come to expect.

In return, *EVERY WEEK* you promise to enjoy the videos and enter the contest I share — and really there’s no reason not to. The videos are quite clever and well made, and for crying out loud, the contest could get you some decent free Star Wars stuff. You also promise… and this is crucial… to SHARE THE HELL OUT OF THESE CONTEST POSTS every week via whatever social media platform you prefer. Remember, I’m going against nine other bloggers here, and each of us has to generate as much contest participation as possible through our own personal blogs.

So before I officially launch into the promotion, let me leave you with one final thought:

If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for my kids. I mean just look at them. Don’t these kids deserve “The Ultimate Star Wars Weekend Getaway”?



Pringles The Force For Fun Logo

This weeks Pringles/Star Wars “The Force For Fun” YouTube video is “Side of Fries — Wookie Mistake” by Brooke Dooley, Jordan Allen and Luke Rocheleau. Seriously, it’s something I could see me and my college buddies putting together before we all got — ahem — old, gray, and… well… kids. Check it out:

And now that you’ve done that, take a minute to enter yourself in the Pringles/Star Wars “The Force For Fun” giveaway. This week you can nab a sweet Star Wars themed USB drive. I bet you it holds more memory than the entire R2-D2 unit did way back in 1977. Click on the picture below to be whisked away to the Rafflecopter giveaway (I’d love to embed the widget in the body of this blogpost, but doesn’t permit JavaScript).

widgetThank you so much. Good luck. Don’t forget to share this post with everyone you know (for my kids’ sake) and to come back and do it all again every week through the duration of the campaign.

Remember, The Force will be with you, always.

-Dork Dad

100 Words

11 May

100 words


Because of the way you move through the room. Because of the way your smile sounds on your voice. Because every single curve on your body is in exactly the right place. Because of the way your hair smells and the way it tickles my face.  Because of the twinkle in your eyes when you’re making mischief, and the look on your face when you’re asleep. Because of the feel of your heart and the warmth of your skin when you’re holding me. Because of the magic you made with our children, and the magic you make with our family. Because everything I love about my life I can trace directly back to you.

Happy Mother’s Day.
I love you.
-Dork Dad

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