t long last, here on the 29th day of January 2013, DorkDad has settled on a candidate to endorse for the Presidential election of 2012. This is a particularly coveted endorsement, as the 2012 election was the first election where DorkDaddy.com was even in existence. Nevermind the fact that the election has already passed and the winner has already been inaugurated. We here at DorkDaddy.com take the business of political endorsements very seriously, and as such we prefer to take our time.
To determine an endorsement we have a staff of a dozen judges working feverishly behind the scenes, using complex algorithms inputting hundreds of variables. At the end of the labor intensive process we arrive at a scientifically valid, mathimatically infallible conclusion. Although our methodology is extremely complicated and propriatary, we can give you a window into some of the variables that contribute to the decision we make.
A candidate must have proper lightsaber-wielding technique. Bonus points for showcasing his/her ability on the White House lawn.
A candidate must have a firm understanding of the subtle differences between the Marvel Universe…
…and the DC Universe.
A candidate must have a healthy respect and proper understanding/interpretation of the 2nd Ammendment.
And above all, a candidate must know when, where and how to humiliate his teenage daughters.
Taking all these things into consideration, it is our position here at DorkDaddy.com that anyone capable of all those things deserves our vote. Ultimately those are the only characteristics we here at DorkDaddy.com care about in a candidate. Everything else is just semantics.
Congratulations to Barack Obama — not for winning the 2012 election, but for winning the coveted, first ever DorkDaddy.com Presidential Candidate Endorsement.
(P.S. This was intended to be *FUNNY* Anyone who makes a big stink, takes it seriously, or tries to make an issue where there is none will be banished to the ranks of people with no sense of humor who don’t know how to properly conduct themselves on the internet)