DorkDad Endorses A Candidate

29 Jan

letter At long last, here on the 29th day of January 2013, DorkDad has settled on a candidate to endorse for the Presidential election of 2012. This is a particularly coveted endorsement, as the 2012 election was the first election where was even in existence. Nevermind the fact that the election has already passed and the winner has already been inaugurated. We here at take the business of political endorsements very seriously, and as such we prefer to take our time.

To determine an endorsement we have a staff of a dozen judges working feverishly behind the scenes, using complex algorithms inputting hundreds of variables. At the end of the labor intensive process we arrive at a scientifically valid, mathimatically infallible conclusion. Although our methodology is extremely complicated and propriatary, we can give you a window into some of the variables that contribute to the decision we make.

A candidate must have proper lightsaber-wielding technique. Bonus points for showcasing his/her ability on the White House lawn.



A candidate must have a firm understanding of the subtle differences between the Marvel Universe…



…and the DC Universe.



A candidate must have a healthy respect and proper understanding/interpretation of the 2nd Ammendment.



And above all, a candidate must know when, where and how to humiliate his teenage daughters.



Taking all these things into consideration, it is our position here at that anyone capable of all those things deserves our vote. Ultimately those are the only characteristics we here at care about in a candidate. Everything else is just semantics.

Congratulations to Barack Obama — not for winning the 2012 election, but for winning the coveted, first ever Presidential Candidate Endorsement.


(P.S.  This was intended to be *FUNNY* Anyone who makes a big stink, takes it seriously, or tries to make an issue where there is none will be banished to the ranks of people with no sense of humor who don’t know how to properly conduct themselves on the internet)

11 Responses to “DorkDad Endorses A Candidate”

  1. Ande January 29, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

    Had he been wearing a Green Goblin mask in the Spider-Man picture, it might have been time to revisit the idea of term limits.

    • dorkdad January 29, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

      There are so many places to take that, provided I was bugging for a fight about politics… which is strictly forbidden on this blog.

  2. Emily @ The Waiting January 29, 2013 at 4:01 pm #

    Love love love this. (I also love your caveat. We may all disagree on our politics and tremendously enjoy arguing over them, but when it comes to our kids we really are all the same goofy melty people.)

    • dorkdad January 29, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

      Disclaimer: the boys in the back room who did the complicated calculus want to make the assertion that Mitt Romney may very well be every bit as much the dork as Barack Obama… there just wasn’t enough picture evidence floating around the internet to support an entire blogpost.

  3. my27stars January 29, 2013 at 6:06 pm #

    Although, for your second amendment criteria, the proof you chose does indicate that your candidate partakes in improper running near a pool. Where do you stand on that? Do your candidate’s stunning dork qualities make up for the lack of pool safety he is teaching his daughters and the rest of our nation’s youth?

    • dorkdad January 29, 2013 at 6:11 pm #

      Let the impeachment proceedings begin.

  4. Troo January 30, 2013 at 10:28 am #

    I think that until we know where a candidate stands on Lens Flares, we cannot endorse him a hundred percent.

    That and it’s not my country, so technically I can’t do any endorsing whatsoever. But I can throw peanuts!

    • dorkdad January 30, 2013 at 8:05 pm #

      Troo, I see that you understand this blog instinctively.

      The real question is whether he intends to be President of the United States *AND* Primeminister of Great Britain all in the same career.

      • Troo January 31, 2013 at 12:47 am #

        This is a valid question. We have accepted Scotsmen in the past, even with wobbly eyes and mumbling, so a chap from Hawaii isn’t too far a stretch beyond that.

  5. Blue Aventurine January 31, 2013 at 5:51 am #

    Your “PS” is fabulous! Way to write!

  6. Emotional Muses February 2, 2013 at 10:01 am #

    I really enjoy your blog! Even a few months after the election, this is still a great post to read. Thanks!

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