Wabbit Seaon! …No, ELF SEASON!!

19 Dec

letter Most of the world is painfully aware of the “Elf on the Shelf” phenomenon by now. For those of you like my co-worker, who is painfully tech-illiterate (therefore no Facebook/Twitter/etc.) and became a mommy for the first time at 48 y.o. (therefore no “young” mommy friends) the “Elf on the Shelf” is a relatively new Xmas tradition. If you’re into it, it’s something fun to do with your kids to build holiday memories for a lifetime. If you’re a Grinch, it’s another contrived holiday consumerism designed to wring even more money out of people by selling even more junk that parents feel obligated to buy because all the other parents are doing it.

Now available with two "X" chromasomes.

Now available with two “X” chromasomes.

Whatever camp you come from, the premise is this: Santa’s elf has come to your house to keep an eye on your kids and report back to the big man. He comes with a little book telling his story in which your kids are instructed to name the elf and never, ever touch him because he’d lose his magic. Then, each night while the kids sleep, the elf moves from place to place throughout the house and the kids have to find him every morning when they wake up. Today he’s on the Christmas tree. Tomorrow he’s hanging from the light fixture. The next day he’s sitting on the mantle. Etc, etc…

Know your Elves.

Know your Elves.

It’s a harmless bit of holiday fun that kids seem to enjoy. I’m happy to report that this year they even released a female version of the Elf. A word to the wise: If you’re going to do “The Elf on the Shelf” every year, be careful. When I was recently away travelling for work, and UnDorkMommy was swamped with all three kids by herself, I got back to my 6yo reporting “Daddy, the Elf on the Shelf didn’t move for three days while you were gone!”

At least the Elf wasn't *IN* anyone's undies.

At least the Elf wasn’t *IN* anyone’s undies.

As you might imagine, the potential for creativity with Elf-placement is tremendous. This morning my kids woke up to find that the elf had removed their Xmas stockings from the fireplace and replaced them with their underwear. Apparently our elf was inspired by my old friend Karen, who posted a picture on facebook of the same thing that happened in her house early this morning (before my kids were up). It seems Karen’s elf was, in turn, inspired by pinterest the previous day. Yes, I’m aware that my boxers looks like a freakin’ circus tent next to theirs. Yes, I’m aware that UnDorkMommy’s stocking is the only one still there. We don’t call her “UnDorkMommy” for nothing.


Spend any time on social media sites this time of year and you see all sorts of creative iterations of “Elf on the Shelf” placement. But as you might imagine, some people out there are a little more… creative… than others. Depending on how warped you want your children to grow up, the possibilities are endless. Babyrabies.com had their 2nd annual Inappropriate Elf Contest this year. There is an entire Facebook page dedicated to “Naughty Elf On The Shelf Photos”. For those of you out there with a demented side, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite “Elf on the Shelf” photos I’ve come across this year. By all means, feel free to share your own.

…and if you really want to freak out your kids, have ‘em sit next to you as you scroll down.

-Dork Dad

Wonder which audience Target is targeting *guffaw*

Wonder which audience Target is targeting *guffaw*

Hermie's grandson.

Hermie’s grandson.

Specimine from Snape's shelf.

Specimine from Snape’s shelf.

Elf in the off-season

Elf in the off-season

North Pole dancer.

North Pole dancer.

This is not part of the DVD that comes with the book.

This is not part of the DVD that comes with the book.

Hello Clarise.

Hello Clarise.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz...

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz…

Don't know why this is creepy? Google wat Kevin Clash has been up to in the news lately.

Don’t know why this is creepy? Google wat Kevin Clash has been up to in the news lately.




-Dork Dad

6 Responses to “Wabbit Seaon! …No, ELF SEASON!!”

  1. larva225 December 19, 2012 at 11:26 am #

    It’s just so Orwellian!!! Creeps me out.

    • dorkdad December 19, 2012 at 11:49 am #

      Oh there are *SO* many more, each more creepy than the last. The creepiest one I saw was just the elf with the words “I wonder what your screams sound like”.

  2. my27stars December 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    It puts the lotion on its skin… yeah, that’s gotta be my favorite of these. The dentist one made me giggle, too. Such a mischievous look on that things face.:)

    • dorkdad December 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

      I thought the Silence of the Lambs one was the creepiest (that I was willing to share). The dentist one is my new Facebook profile picture.

      • my27stars December 20, 2012 at 12:11 am #

        This has nothing to do with your naughty Christmas elf, and I’m not sure if you’ve seen it before, but I saw these and IMMEDIATELY thought of you and your little Episodes (and maybe even UnDorkMommy) making some freaking awesome snowflakes. 🙂 http://anthonyherreradesigns.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=56:star-wars-snowflakes

      • dorkdad December 20, 2012 at 6:07 am #

        Yeah, those are pretty cool, aren’t they. Two years ago the stormtrooper one was my Facebook profile picture. (c:

        Riddle me this though. I’m thrilled that people think of me when they see cool Star Wars snowflakes, or gaps in someone’s teeth in the shape of the Batman symbol (no lie) — but why is it nobody thinks of me first thing when they see Channing Tatum?

        ::shakes fist at Hollywood special effects wizards::

        It’s amazing how they get his head on my body.


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