High Chair Danger Zones

16 Nov

e prepared. Before your infant’s next meal, know your “High Chair Danger Zones”





Be informed. Know your danger zones.



Zero margin for error here. You must hit the bullseye every time. Stray just a little and whatever doesn’t hit the mark will be evenly distributed (painted) on anything and everything within the zone.

Let the saturation begin.


Those sitting in this zone should prepare to get wet. Management recommends full-length rain coats, scotch-guarding, or at bare minimum a garbage bag with holes cut out for your arms and head. Management will not replace any articles of clothing ruined in this zone.


The shrapnel zone! Don’t bother trying to figure out how.

Resembling post-invasion Baghdad, or post-blitz London, the signs of battle are everywhere. Those walking through the shrapnel zone might think to themselves, “Holy cow. How do you get pear-mango all the way over there? How do you get plums way up there?” Best not to try and understand. War is hell.



-Dork Dad

3 Responses to “High Chair Danger Zones”

  1. Fred Christensen November 17, 2012 at 7:33 am #

    You forgot collateral damage and foreign aid.

    On Fri, Nov 16, 2012 at 3:40 PM, Dorkdaddy.com

    • dorkdad November 17, 2012 at 7:58 am #

      We’re bringing in the United Nations next week when the grandparents come over.

  2. ridewithpete November 19, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    Good advice Dork Daddy! I have been puzzled so many times by thee presence of odd food particles in hard to reach places. Best to set neurons to think of more important things, like how do I get that off now.

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