Soothe The Savage Beast

26 Jul

y third child, Episode VI is a social baby. That means he is happiest when he’s around people, which is wonderful when we’re out and about – it’s downright maddening when he should be sleeping.

Through the natural course of his sleep-cycle he’ll wake up around 45 minutes after we put him down, realize that he isn’t being held, realize that there isn’t another human being in the room, and let anyone within earshot know how he feels about it. Put him in the baby Bjorn and he’s happy as a clam. Lay him next to you or on your chest and he’ll sleep for hours. Put him in a crib… no way. This is true for both naps during the day, and when the rest of the world needs to sleep at night. 45 minutes… wah! 45 minuts… wah! 45 minutes… wah!

…every day for the last five months.

Episode V has a batman bed… maybe that’s why he’s such a good sleeper.

Episode IV was like that. It was easier to deal with when she was the only child in the house. Episode V has been an easy sleeper from the start. This kid… I’m pretty sure the United Nations branded sleep deprivation an unacceptable form of inhumane torture. There’s got to be something about it in the Geneva Convention documents. Clearly Episode VI didn’t get the memo.

Parents will employ any voodoo they can find to get their kids to sleep. Rain dance… chicken sacrifice… baby yoga… peppermint schnapps… whatever works; and usually none of it does. The level of desperation (and deprivation) around our house has reached such a peak, my wife has probably read 1000 pages in 4 different how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep books in the last week alone.

See Lara’s dissheveled hair? That’s not drawn by accident.

One thing that seems to work for this kid is a little background music. If there’s music there and he wakes up, sometimes the music is enough to distract him from the thought that nobody’s around to hold him, and he falls back asleep. To that end we purchased one of those cheezy noise machines with a switch that chooses between white noise, forest sounds, ocean waves, piano music, etc… None of it works, but the piano seems to not not work the most (double-negative very much intended there).

So we play the piano music, which rotates between 6 or 7 different variations of “twinkle, twinkle little star” and repeats over… and over… and over… and over…

Last night about 7:30 I’d had enough. Give me waterboarding. Pull out my fingernails. ANYTHING! Just please don’t play for me another piano iteration of “twinkle, twinkle little star”.

But wait a minute. I am DorkDaddy after all. Indoctrinating my children is in the job description. I was a music enthusiast way before I had kids. I’ve got 400+ CD’s all ripped into MP3’s on my desktop. I have an old iPod and docking station in my office I don’t use anymore. There’s absolutely no excuse for this terrible state of affairs.

Imagine how many MP3’s Jor-El had to put on the iPod for the trip from Krypton to Earth.

So I took the bull by the horns last night and began Episode VI’s path towards The Dork Side at the tender age of almost 5 months. Suffice it to say, the playlist is assembled and being loaded onto the iPod tonight with just the sort of music geekery I think is worth brainwashing your children with. It’s mostly tracks from movie soundtracks, with a little classical thrown in, and even a track or two of high-end choral music that may or may not actually have my voice in the actual choir.

I managed to throw together a YouTube playlist of most of the tracks. I’m fairly certain none of this music is on YouTube legally, so if you’re inclined to give it a listen (totally safe for work by the way… though at 40 tracks and almost 4 hours it may take the whole work day to get all the way through) don’t be surprised if a track or two disappears from time to time. I assure you I do own all these tracks legally in my personal collection – along with many, many, many more.

Rest assured, there’s plenty of other dork-worthy music in my collection that my kids and I geek out to… just not when we’re trying to get the baby to sleep.

-Dork Dad

6 Responses to “Soothe The Savage Beast”

  1. Starzia July 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    Fun Times… 😉

  2. kjystenkjysten July 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

    Oh, Baby. You are a geek. back before Noah, when I was a kid, I used to go to sleep listening to Monterey County Sheriff’s calls, or the Lone Ranger, The Green Hornet, and shows like that on the radio.. For the girls it was Sci Fi Theater and Twilight Zone on TV. Every generation has it’s mantras.

    • dorkdad July 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm #

      When you were 5 months old I imagine all they had were sticks to bang on rocks.


      • kjysten July 29, 2012 at 9:48 am #

        Watch it, smart mouth. I’ll have you know they were quite melodious! :>

  3. Mother of Dork July 26, 2012 at 7:47 pm #

    It’s Karma, Sam. Therefore, it should be all over in about 3 years. 🙂

  4. Jason C December 12, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

    This is the most fantastic playlist EVER!

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