Deuce Is A Crowd

18 Apr

don’t know what it is. I’m sure my son isn’t the only 3-year-old to make these demands, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why, every single time, Episode V needs me to go in and sit by him in the bathroom when he’s… unloading.

Does he need moral support? Is he lonely? Does he need advice? Is it a pride thing? Does he expect to show off his creation? I’ll tell you this, although conversation durring those times isn’t limited to the subject, he quite enjoys discussing the finer points of color, consistency, aroma, texture… He peers down between his knees and reports on the developments like a network news reporter on the scene. When that conversation runs dry he moves on to whatever fanciful things occupy his 3-year-old mind at the time. Some of the best conversations we’ve had were during the course of his… evacuation.

For extra, SUPER situations.

It makes me more than a little uncomfortable. From my perspective that is a time of solitude. It’s a time for deep thought and reflection. It’s a time to be alone with your thoughts in a way you just can’t do anywhere else in the house. Absent that, it’s a great chance to cruise the internet and/or check Email on your smartphone, ’cause goodness knows the kids ain’t gonna let you do that once your out of your sanctuary. One thing that time is *NOT* is social hour. My son seems to miss that point. “Daddy!” he shouts from across the house. “I have to go! Come sit with me!”

I don’t know from whence this phenomenon came, though I have my suspicions. There may very well be a genetic component at play. A very prominent person in my family has NO problem carrying on extended phone conversations while (s)he’s in the water closet. Others in my family and I learned long ago that if we we’re having a protracted phone conversation with him/her and then all of a sudden a conspicuous echo appeared around his/her voice – hang up immediately and call back in 15 minutes. (S)he has no compunctions about freely moving from the livingroom to the kitchen, to the backyard, to the garage, to the loo — all during the course of one phonecall. Call me uptight, but please don’t talk to me while you’re doing that.

Mom, I know you like to play the “Who-Does-Your-Grandkid-Get-That-From” game. I’m pretty sure you can figure this one out.

-Dork Dad

3 Responses to “Deuce Is A Crowd”

  1. Rock April 18, 2012 at 6:53 pm #

    Well, I used to do the same thing to my grandpa. Not that it is something that I am particulary proud of or wanting to share at this point in my life, but his desire to have you there is really about security. Up to this point, even his three year old mind knows that you used to help him with this department. Afterall, you and your wife not only took care of the diapers, you potty trained him. It seems very natural to have you there…at least to him because he isn’t in that adult mindset. He is just doing what comes naturally, and frankly what his parents taught him about. He doesn’t fully comprehend the scientific reasons why it is gross, but give him time. Until then, he will feel better knowing he’s sharing his special brand of expression with you. And, as long as you are there… one of his favoritre people, his dad, his buddy, and his security… he won’t be bored, he gets assurance he’s doing it right, and he knows he won’t get sucked down the drain. I was always afraid I would fall in, and while he was protecting me, I got to hang out with one of my favorite people in the world, my grandpa. I am with you, as an adult, I sure as hell don’t want company. However, it is cute as hell that he wants you there now, and someday, you’re going to miss the days he wanted to share “everything.” Even after all these years, former roomie…you need to lighten up about what comes naturally biologically speaking.

    • dorkdad April 18, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

      Oh I’m “light”. It’s funny. That’s why I’m sharing. It’s all part of the magic of parenting. These memories are priceless, all of them.

  2. Michelle Love April 30, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    My 3 year-old son is *exactly* the same in this…department. Sam, all of your parenting-adventure stories are so much fun to read! Thank you for sharing. But, really, it will be your three kids who will LOVE reading your accounts someday…perhaps with some amount of embarrassment, but also with lots of laughter! Great job. 🙂

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