Swagger-Dad

2 Aug

I need to premise this by saying I’ve never been a car guy. But things change as we get older. The #1 pre-set station on the radio changes from classic rock to NPR. We get a little pudding around the middle. We grow hair in unexpected places. And in my case, about a year or so ago, I began having an extra-marital affair. Here she is:

Curves like Marilyn Monroe. I've never been an "ass man", but just look at that rear end. Tell me she isn't sexy.

I always scoffed at those guys who thought having a Porsche was the entire reason for living. That would never be me. But this is a post about reneging on a few of those “I’ll nevers” in life. I stumbled across a craigslist posting about a year ago, and ever since then I haven’t been able to shake the 911 from my mind. It must be hormonal – some sort of evolutionary thing. When women hit their mid-to-late 30’s their biological clock starts ticking. When men hit their mid-to-late 30’s, they need a Porsche. I think it’s safe to say that where I sit right now, I need a Porsche. In fact, more than that, I have taken a solemn vow that someday I WILL have a Porsche. Suffice it to say, I don’t have one now, and don’t have any plans to get one in the near future.

Recently I found myself in a rare position. The business was clipping along really well. The credit cards were paid off, and there was some extra cash in the bank. The planets were aligned. It’s Porsche time, right?!

Wrong.

I’m a family man, and that comes first. My two kids are growing like weeds, and although we were still able to shoehorn them both into my wife’s car, there wasn’t much else we could fit in there. We knew the time was coming where we’d have to start schlepping around their friends, their grandparents, their soccer equipment, whatever. We couldn’t ignore the fact that we were outgrowing the family car. In the vein of reneging on another one of those “I’ll nevers” in life, the wife and I were seriously thinking about moving into… **big sigh for dramatic effect**… the minivan stage in our life.

My poor wife had to ride wedged in like this for 6 hours during the drive down to Disneyland last year. Since then our kids have only grown.

So with grim resignation I took my wife to the Toyota dealership, and on our 9th wedding anniversary we finally picked up our brand new (certified pre-owned) 2011 Toyota Sienna (the pimped-out version thankyouverymuch… if we were gonna get a minivan I was gonna get ALL the extras. If they offered hydraulics, spinners on the wheels and a snowplow I would have ordered them all). So now we roll around town in the bee-all and end-all of family wagons. The Porsche will have to wait.

Happy anniversary honey. The astute observer will notice the headlight in the foreground. It WILL happen someday. This I vow.

If you happen to think about it, please drop me a few words of encouragement. Remind me that I did the right thing; that with patience the Porsche will come. I know it will, but I still need to hear it.

 

 

I’ll let you in on a little secret though: as much swagger as driving around town in a Porsche would give me, I get even more showing off the fact that I got my family the Formula-1 of minivans. If you knew what made minivans cool, and you saw ours, you’d be jealous. Sure, a Porsche is a great status symbol. But truly, what is a better status symbol to show off with zeal than a well-provided for family?

-Dork Dad

2 Responses to “Swagger-Dad”

  1. Michael Schmid (@adaddyblog) September 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    How funny we both have such similar blogs post in various topic areas. I thought I was unique. Just another one of those bits of self-delusion (kind of like the possibility of a 911 Coupe Carrera in our respective garages). 😉

  2. test3 June 7, 2014 at 7:06 am #

    Hi! I’ve been following your weblog for a long time now and finally got the courage
    to go ahead and give you a shout out from New Caney Texas!

    Just wanted to say keep up the fantastic work!

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