ou may remember last year about this time the big Batman movie was about to come out. Just as I was lamenting the fact that I couldn’t find anyone in my sphere of influence excited enough to see the movie with me on opening night, a piece from the New York Times titled “Friends Of A Certain Age – Why is it hard to make friends over 30?” came across my newsfeed and struck particularly close to home. (See my related blogpost “Where do dads get friends?”)
Later that year, for my birthday and the coinciding release of “The Hobbit,” UnDorkMommy managed to cobble together a group of likeminded nerds for a nerds-night-out. Among that group were three other local dads, all of whom could appreciate beer, burgers and dorky movies.
Where last year was Batman, this year is Superman. I wasn’t about to let that opportunity pass. Months ago I called the other dorky dads and gauged their interest in another dads/dudes night out to see “Man of Steel.” They were all in – tentatively, pending schedules, release dates, and permission from the wives of course. “Awesome,” I thought. Four dads/dudes out for beers, burgers and “Man of Steel.” I was stoked.
A few weeks ago, after the release date was announced, one of the dads had to drop out. This weekend is his son’s birthday. Can’t fault him there. That’s OK. The other guys were firm. Three dads/dudes out for beers, burgers and “Man of Steel” would still be awesome. I was still stoked.
We pinged back and forth coordinating work schedules, figuring logistics, and finally last night it came time to buy advanced tickets – 7:20pm show. Meet at my place between 4:30 and 5… head out from there. Awesome. So stoked.
Then this morning I get a text message from dude/dad #2. “I am out. Will not work for me. Enjoy boys.”
So now it’s just me and dude/dad #3 – which presents an unforeseen, awkward dynamic. My epic, 4-man, dork/dads/dude’s night out for beers, burgers and “Man of Steel” has turned into… well… a date.
I relayed the story to my assistants during the first filling of the morning. I should have known better. “Wait a minute,” said my assistant as she handed me an instrument. “Just you and another guy? Dinner and a movie? Yep, it’s a date.”
My patient agreed. “uhh, huuh” he managed, despite the fact that I was drilling his tooth at that exact moment. The conversation only degenerated from there.
From across the office my other assistant said “You don’t want to have too many beers. You might make a bad choice you’ll regret the next day.”
“Just make sure you aren’t wearing too much AXE body spray” said assistant #1, clearly enjoying watching me squirm.
“Oh, and make sure you don’t shave your legs the night before,” said assistant #2. “That way no matter how bad you want to take things further, you’ll be too embarrassed to do it.”
At this point the patient was totally gagging, launching water and fluids all over the operatory, not because of anything I was doing, but because he was laughing as my assistants gleefully twisted the knife in my back. As she offered some suction to the choking patient my assistant gleefully said “Just remember, he won’t want to buy the ice cream truck if he gets the popsicles for free.”
I finished working in his mouth and made my way back to my private office. “What movie are they seeing?” I heard one assistant ask the other.
“Thuperman,” came the response (emphasis in the sibilant “S”). “He’th tho thtrong with hith muthleth and hith thkin tight thuit.”
I closed the door to my private office and relayed the recent conversation via text message to the two dudes/dorks/dads. The last text read “Jokes about AXE body spray and shaving your legs. My patient was gagging, cracking up so hard while I was drilling on him.”
The remaining dude/dad texted back “My text window just displayed ‘hard while I was drilling on him.’ Should I just show up to your office with leather pants?”
“The innuendos are popping up all over today,” I replied.
“You can tell your staff it was going to be a group thing,” he texted back. “But Corey pulled out.”
This always happens with the tentpole movies.
I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long work day today. The thinly-veiled jokes are going to keep coming and coming…