And as you rub the sleep out of your eyes to the smell of brewing coffee and grilling pancakes your lazy husband, DorkDaddy finally drags his ass out of bed. Does he come over and help get breakfast going? No. Does he thank you for letting him go out with his buddy last night for beers, burgers and MAN OF STEEL while you were left to get all three kids to bed on your own? No. What does he do first thing? He sits down in front of the freakin’ computer.

Why? What on Earth? The kids need attention. The house needs attention. Just as you are about to head over there and give DorkDaddy a piece of your mind he suddenly stands up from the computer and yells,

“DANCE PARTY!!!!”

And right there and then, first thing on Saturday morning, still with bed-head, or sleep-face, or boxer shorts, or pajamas, or whatever, the DorkFamily gets their groove-thing on right there in the living room, in front of the big bay window with no curtains, for the entire neighborhood to see.

It’s Saturday morning, people. Turn up the volume on your computer and share in some of our favorite indulgences.

***

-Dork Dad (and family)

But that doesn’t help UnDorkMommy when it comes to Father’s Day. She wants to do something nice for  me, and she knows she doesn’t have the nerd-cred to know what it is I really want. It’s my obligation as a loving husband to help her out in uncomfortable, difficult situations like this. So here you go, Honey. Here’s a short list of some things that I would genuinely appreciate for Father’s Day:

Five simple things I want for Father’s Day

(each should be pretty easy to come by)

1) I want security – security to know that I will be able to provide for my family for as long as they need it, and that no horrible tragedies will befall the people I love.

2) I want to be able to share the things that I get excited about with my wife, like the new Superman movie, or the microbrewery that just opened nearby, or the latest Star Wars Lego set — because having a 15-month-old and two other kids makes it so easy for both of us to do things together as a couple. ((not))

3) I want the seasons for “Game of Thrones” and “Walking Dead” to be much, much longer than they already are.

4) I want to resolve the terrible guilt I feel taking time away from my family to take care of myself, and the terrible frustration I feel taking time away from myself to take care of my family.

5) I want to finally be picked to be a volunteer on “Mythbusters,” especially since I’ve tried three times already without getting the call, and my sister tried only once and totally got picked — and she doesn’t even watch the show, dammit!!

You should be able to handle those things, right Honey?

You thought I was kidding about the Mythbusters thing, didn’t you?

-Dork Dad

…this I just had to be a part of.

TINY SUPERHEROES 

In the summer of 2012 Robyn Rosenberger dusted off her sewing machine and made a superhero cape for her nephew’s second birthday. She then made one for my son but quickly realized there were other kids out there who actually WERE TinySuperheroes! She had been following the blog of a special girl named Brenna who was born with a very rare and severe skin disease. While she thought her son looked really cute in his cape, it became clear that Brenna NEEDED a cape!

Super Brenna

After empowering Super Brenna with her cape in January 2013, Robyn featured Brenna’s story on her blog ( TinySuperheroes.com ) to help raise awareness, and was immediately met by dozens of other Extraordinary kids, each with their own remarkable story! Quickly, the dozens have turned into hundreds and in four months Robyn has empowered over 500 TinySuperheroes in 35 states and 5 countries!

Super Isaac

Naturally Robyn needs help stepping up to the challenge (and incredible demand). She’s set up a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising enough funds to provide 1,500 capes to Tiny Superheroes all over the world, wherever they may be. The moment I saw it I knew this was something I had to be a part of. So last night, on behalf of the DorkDaddy.com readers, I made a donation.

Super Tom

Now I’m not asking you to donate, but if you want to there are only 6 days left in the campaign. (Sorry for the short notice. I only learned about Robyn and her crusade yesterday.) You can find the link to the indiegogo fundraising site here:

Click here to be part of Super Robyn’s TinySuperheroes crusade. 

What I will ask of you though, especially if this campaign touches you the way it does me, is to share this blogpost on your own social media platform(s). I’ve made it super easy for you. Just click-y on the little facebook/twitter/pinterest/redit icons at the bottom of this post.

I don’t need you or your friends to feel obligated to give away your own hard-earned money. I just want the whole world to know about the Tiny Superheroes and about Robyn Rosenberger, who I think you’ll agree is a superhero in her own right.

-Dork Dad

Tiny Superheroes

Later that year, for my birthday and the coinciding release of “The Hobbit,” UnDorkMommy managed to cobble together a group of likeminded nerds for a nerds-night-out. Among that group were three other local dads, all of whom could appreciate beer, burgers and dorky movies.

Where last year was Batman, this year is Superman. I wasn’t about to let that opportunity pass. Months ago I called the other dorky dads and gauged their interest in another dads/dudes night out to see “Man of Steel.” They were all in – tentatively, pending schedules, release dates, and permission from the wives of course. “Awesome,” I thought. Four dads/dudes out for beers, burgers and “Man of Steel.” I was stoked.

A few weeks ago, after the release date was announced, one of the dads had to drop out. This weekend is his son’s birthday. Can’t fault him there. That’s OK. The other guys were firm. Three dads/dudes out for beers, burgers and “Man of Steel” would still be awesome. I was still stoked.

We pinged back and forth coordinating work schedules, figuring logistics, and finally last night it came time to buy advanced tickets – 7:20pm show. Meet at my place between 4:30 and 5… head out from there. Awesome. So stoked.

Then this morning I get a text message from dude/dad #2. “I am out. Will not work for me. Enjoy boys.”

So now it’s just me and dude/dad #3 – which presents an unforeseen, awkward dynamic. My epic, 4-man, dork/dads/dude’s night out for beers, burgers and “Man of Steel” has turned into… well… a date.

I relayed the story to my assistants during the first filling of the morning. I should have known better. “Wait a minute,” said my assistant as she handed me an instrument. “Just you and another guy? Dinner and a movie? Yep, it’s a date.”

My patient agreed. “uhh, huuh” he managed, despite the fact that I was drilling his tooth at that exact moment. The conversation only degenerated from there.

From across the office my other assistant said “You don’t want to have too many beers. You might make a bad choice you’ll regret the next day.”

“Just make sure you aren’t wearing too much AXE body spray” said assistant #1, clearly enjoying watching me squirm.

“Oh, and make sure you don’t shave your legs the night before,” said assistant #2. “That way no matter how bad you want to take things further, you’ll be too embarrassed to do it.”

At this point the patient was totally gagging, launching water and fluids all over the operatory, not because of anything I was doing, but because he was laughing as my assistants gleefully twisted the knife in my back. As she offered some suction to the choking patient my assistant gleefully said “Just remember, he won’t want to buy the ice cream truck if he gets the popsicles for free.”

I finished working in his mouth and made my way back to my private office. “What movie are they seeing?” I heard one assistant ask the other.

“Thuperman,” came the response (emphasis in the sibilant “S”). “He’th tho thtrong with hith muthleth and hith thkin tight thuit.”

I closed the door to my private office and relayed the recent conversation via text message to the two dudes/dorks/dads. The last text read “Jokes about AXE body spray and shaving your legs. My patient was gagging, cracking up so hard while I was drilling on him.”

The remaining dude/dad texted back “My text window just displayed ‘hard while I was drilling on him.’ Should I just show up to your office with leather pants?”

“The innuendos are popping up all over today,” I replied.

“You can tell your staff it was going to be a group thing,” he texted back. “But Corey pulled out.”

…

This always happens with the tentpole movies.

I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long work day today. The thinly-veiled jokes are going to keep coming and coming…

-Dork Dad

Ron Mattocks and Alan Kercinik have made their counterarguments, and mine, the third and final installment in the series, follows below:

WHY SUPERMAN WOULD BE A BETTER DAD THAN BATMAN

1)      Batman is nocturnal.

HowToBeADad presented this as evidence in Batman’s favor, but given a little thought it becomes pretty clear that on balance, this can’t be a good thing. Where’s Bruce Wayne for that class field trip? He’s in the batcave getting his lacerations stitched up and dislocated shoulder reset by Alfred. You want your dad to be there for your first T-ball game? Sorry kid. He’s sleeping right now because he’s been up for the past 72 hours chasing supercriminals.

Then picture this scenario from the Wayne household: You’re a 5 year old kid. It’s the middle of the night and there’s a violent storm outside. The power is out and everything is pitch black around you. You’re scared and you can’t sleep. Your sense of fear slowly turns to panic as the sound of the wind and the driving rain intensify outside your bedroom window. You stare into the inky darkness, unable to see anything, wondering who might be stalking you from impenetrable night all around. Suddenly a bolt of lightning, and in an instant, only inches away, the face of a man is harshly illuminated, looming morosely over you in your bed. How did he get there? How long was he hovering, silently over your sleepless body? Blinded by the sudden flash you reach out into the darkness, feeling … nothing. Another flash of lightning, and this time the figure is gone entirely — disappeared as silently as he came. When the flash dims you are left alone in the dark again, wondering what else happens in your room in the black of night when you are asleep. You stare into the void utterly alone as the sound of thunder finally reaches your ears.

Nocturnal dad. Yeah… not so great.

2)      Origins.

The father figure plays chiefly in the forging of the Man of Steel, so much so that Superman actually has TWO fathers to draw experience and guidance from. Batman has only himself. It isn’t much of a stretch to draw conclusions from there. When asked the question “Who would make a better dad, Superman or Batman?” far too many people confuse the word “better” with “cooler”. I’ll grant you, especially in today’s angsty, murky shades of gray times, Batman would be the cooler parent. Heck, I’ll even go so far as to say he’s a more interesting character. But where Superman’s origin is a story of love and sacrifice – two crucial themes central to the experience of any parent – Batman’s story is one of tragedy, trauma and vengeance. In that light I ask you, which hero would you want your child raised by?

For crying out loud, Superman’s kids would have freakin’ grandparents.

3)      Track record.

No need to dive too far into obscure canonical details about the backstories of each character. Certainly HowToBeADad didn’t feel compelled to adhere to any standards there. But you can’t discuss parenting competence of Supes vs. Bats without bringing up precedent.  In the parenting department no doubt Bruce Wayne has vastly more parenting experience than Clark Kent. In fact, Clark Kent has had precisely zero children during his tenure as a superhero. So we can’t really draw on his past as in indicator for his skills as a parent. Not so with Batman.

In his 70+ years Bruce Wayne has been responsible four different wards, each of whom took on the mantle of Robin during his time spent at Wayne Mannor. Of those four…

…two have died.

Any chance you’re going to name Bruce Wayne in your living trust as guardian of your children, given the fact that those in his care have precisely a 50% chance of making it to adulthood?

I don’t think so.

 *******

Personal Testimony:

Beyond all of that, as my final testimony I’d like to present a personal story:

This weekend UnDorkMommy took my daughter to a mother/daughter thing until very late, leaving the boys at home to fend for ourselves. After resisting naps all day, Episode VI went down early without a struggle, and Episode V and I found ourselves in the rare situation where we had the house (and the DVD player) all to ourselves. A little dude-time was in order.

Cognizant of the fact that I likely won’t be able to take a 4.5 year old to see the PG-13 “Man Of Steel” this weekend, I opted instead to show him the 2006, Bryan Singer movie “Superman Returns,” which ultimately comes across more of a sequel to the Superman movies my son has already seen. Granted, not a masterwork, but a crucial part of my son’s education nonetheless.

We snuggled under a big poofy blanket and munched on popcorn and salami slices (his request). Towards the end of the movie there’s a scene where Superman is watching his son sleeping peacefully in bed, coming to terms for the first time that he himself is a father. He looks down at the boy, who he only just learned is his own, and with a tear in his eye speaks to his sleeping son, paraphrasing the words his own father (Marlon Brando’s Jor-El) said to him.

“You will be different. Sometimes, you will feel like an outcast, but you will never be alone. You will make my strength your own. You will see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father becomes the son.”

I haven’t watched that scene since having a son of my own. I don’t mind saying, sitting there snuggling with my boy, it got me more than a little choked up. Now my son is an incredibly empathetic child, and although he isn’t old enough to understand the complexities of a scene like that, on an emotional level he totally gets it.

There’s a quiet beat at the end of the scene when Superman puts his hand on his son’s sleeping head, as every dad in the world has done to his child. Just as I was fighting to keep my own composure, my son leans over to me and whispers “Daddy… I love you.”

…

You just don’t get that kind of thing from a Batman move.

-Dork Dad

Post Script – 24 hours later:

The debate has grown and taken on a life of its own. Here is a list of the relevant posts on the subject, all well worth your time:

Probably the most intelligent retort to the original premise… and it’s made by a woman (of course). Escaping Elegance made her position known (in defense of Superman) in her piece “Boys, boys… must we bicker?” but with an important addendum… Wonder Woman would likely do a better job than either of them.

After following the discussion, fellow dadblogger Eric Bolton felt compelled to tell us that we’re all crazy, and totally off the mark. He contends that as usual, the flashy 1st stringers get all the attention, when there’s another hero just outside the limelight (as opposed to emerald light) that deserves some consideration, with his post “Why Green Lantern is a Better Dad Than Batman AND Superman [Because No One Asked]“

Captain of Team-Clark Kent’s Lunchbox, this is Ron Mattocks’s response to the question at hand. “A Letter To Batman From His Son” examines the long term effects on a child raised by The Dark Knight. The results aren’t pretty.

Alan Kercinik, founding member of Team-Clark Kent’s Lunchbox, takes simultaneously an academic and viscerally emotional approach to the debate with his piece “6 Reasons Superman Would Be A Better Dad Than Batman”. As you might assume from the title, his feelings are pretty strong.

The original post from the boys over at HowToBeADad. Their blog is a traffic-generating machine, so they don’t actually need any more hits via links from piddly little blogs like this one, but it’s the original post that sparked the debate. To understand the stakes involved you must first read the buffoonery “5 Reasons Batman Would Be A Better Dad Than Superman.”

The recipe for success:

1) Treat yourself to this awesome video below.

***

2) Click on the plushie Jawa and enter for a chance to win it.

3) Tell all your friends.

May The Force be with you.

-Dork Dad

***

But from the ashes emerged a group of Super-Dadblogger-Heroes to bring order to the chaos. Defenders of Truth, Justice and the Fatherhood-way rose up to challenge the grave crimes perpetrated against fatherhood by the unholy alliance of Charlie Capen and Andy Herald. Those three champions, Alan Kercinik (the brain behind “Always Jacked” and contributor to this blog as a Guest Dorkdad), Ron Mattocks (chief power behind the blog “Clark Kent’s Lunchbox“) and DorkDaddy himself have come forward because in times like these, when evil is on the rise and everything seems in doubt, the world needs true heroes.

***

Your champions have orchestrated a three-pronged response to HowToBeADad’s evil master plan. This morning team captain Ron Mattocks’s “A Letter To Batman From His Son” is the first response of three to come from Team ClarkKent’sLunchbox.

Dear Father Bruce,

I am writing this letter to you as part of my anger management treatment which, of course, you know the court mandated. Dr. Friskin, my therapist, thought this would be a good way to constructively work through my feelings. Honestly, though, I don’t even know where to begin. I guess my biggest question are all why. Why did you want me? Why did you fight my mother for full custody in the divorce? And why did you think you could ever be a father to me given your dual identity?

I want to believe that as a baby our family was happy one, but over the years I’ve realized that it couldn’t have been if Mother left you so soon after I was born. Did you even love one another? I guess it all didn’t matter after one of those freaks–what’s his name, Penguin–killed her. Listen to myself; a bird man murdered my mom with a stupid trick umbrella, and that’s not even the most bizarre part! That would be that my dad dresses up as a bat to fight other such loonies around Gotham City, in alternate dimensions, and God only knows where else! << click here to read the full letter >>

***

Fear not, true believers. Truth and justice will prevail. Stay tuned.

In the meanwhile, please share your thoughts below in the comments about who you think would make a better father, Superman or Batman, and why.

LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD!!

-Dork Dad

hose poor, poor kids when they’re sick.

Nothing is more pathetic or heart-wrenching than a kid who just doesn’t have the energy to eat, or smile, or get up off the couch. That was us this weekend. Over the course of three days our three kids passed around a nasty bug that took each of them sequentially out of commission. The first one went down, and the other two fell shortly thereafter. Three different days, three different sick kids.

You can only sit around the house watching Harry Potter movies for so long – especially when you’ve only unlocked the first three so far (Have I mentioned that Episode IV’s passion for the “Harry Potter” series has only intensified? She’s written at least two more books since I blogged about it last.) When Sunday rolled around and it was clear we weren’t getting out of the house any time soon, I had to do something to get them out from in front of the television.

Since “Harry Potter” was the only thing Episode IV had the energy to be interested in, I wracked my brain for SOMETHING “Harry Potter” related to get them off the sofa, out of the house and into the daylight and fresh air – if only for a little while. In a moment of inspired genius I remembered a picture that flashed across my Facebook feed many months ago and did a quick google image search to find it again.

For those of you who know the “Harry Potter” franchise well, butterbeer and pumpkin juice feature regularly in the stories as beverages of choice for school-age children. There’s actually an entry for both on the Harry Potter Wiki page (butterbeer here and pumpkin juice here). JK Rowling never specified what was in the drinks, only that they were warm, sweet and delicious.

“Hey kids, I’ve got an idea,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. “How about, for this weekend’s project, we make BUTTERBEER… just like in ‘Harry Potter’?”

That got their attention.

Still in their pajamas, but wearing shoes (a major victory) I got the two big kids in the minivan and, recipe in hand, off we went to Safeway (please pick up a grande’, extra hot, upside down, caramel macciado from Starbucks for UnDorkMommy while you’re out thankyouverymuch).

I put both kids in the shopping cart and whisked them through the aisles while we looked for the necessary ingredients.

When we made it back, Episode IV went straight back to the couch and crashed – too tired from being sick to muster the energy for one of DorkDaddy’s weekend projects. But Episode V was up to the challenge.

We had a good time learning the difference between a “tsp” and a “tbs”, how to follow a recipe (“Daddy, this is just like doing legos”) and how to be safe around the stove and knives. Ultimately the recipe turned out pretty well, and Episode IV had a nice treat waiting for her when she woke up.

Don’t make fun of my 70′s kitchen.

Do a search for “Butterbeer recipe” or “Harry Potter pumpkin juice” and naturally you’ll find all sorts of different recipes. Given the energy level in the house this weekend I chose the easiest one. But if you’re particularly crafty around the kitchen and you’re looking for something fun to do with your little witch or wizard this weekend, here are the best recipes I came across. Have fun conjuring.

drink and enjoy

Butterbeer:

Recipe 1)
2 liter cream soda
2 tablespoons Butter extract
2 teaspoons rum extract
*drop the extracts into the 2 liter bottle, put on cap and slowly rotate until combined.

Cream topping
1 7oz container of marshmallow creme
1 cup whipping cream
1 teaspoon rum extract
*add all items together in an electric mixer and combine until smooth.

Pour the butterbeer into a glass,  drizzle with the cream topping, and enjoy!

Recipe 2)

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
2 tbsp powdered sugar
24 oz of your favorite cream soda
2 tsp vanilla butter nut flavoring

Measure the heavy whipping cream into a bowl, then add powdered sugar. Whisk briskly until whipped.

Once your cream topping is ready, add your vanilla butter nut flavoring to your cream soda and stir gently so you don’t get rid of all the carbonation in the soda.

Pour the butterbeer into a glass,  drizzle with the cream topping, and enjoy!

Recipe 3)

1 cup light or dark brown sugar
2 tablespoons water
6 tablespoon butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cider vinegar
3/4 cup heavy cream, divided
1/2 teaspoon rum extract
Four 12-ounce bottles cream soda

In a small saucepan over medium, combine the brown sugar and water. Bring to a gentle boil and cook, stirring often, until the mixture reads 240 F on a candy thermometer.

Stir in the butter, salt, vinegar and 1/4 heavy cream. Set aside to cool to room temperature.

Once the mixture has cooled, stir in the rum extract.

In a medium bowl, combine 2 tablespoons of the brown sugar mixture and the remaining 1/2 cup of heavy cream. Use an electric mixer to beat until just thickened, but not completely whipped, about 2 to 3 minutes.

To serve, divide the brown sugar mixture between 4 tall glasses (about 1/4 cup for each glass). Add 1/4 cup of cream soda to each glass, then stir to combine. Fill each glass nearly to the top with additional cream soda, then spoon the whipped topping over each.

PUMPKIN JUICE

Recipe 1)

This is probably the simplest recipe for pumpkin juice around.

Ingredients:
5 cups apple juice
1 cup pumpkin puree
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice

Directions:
1) Combine all in a large pitcher and stir well
2) Let it sit for an hour in the refrigerator
3) Strain it (if too thick)
4) Chill or serve iced

Recipe 2)

A pretty good version of pumpkin juice!

Ingredients:
2 cups diced pumpkin
2 cups apple juice
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 cup pineapple juice

Directions:
1) Juice the pumpkin
2) Combine the pumpkin juice to the pineapple and apple juice
3) Add honey and blend in a blender
4) Serve iced

Recipe 3)

A variation on Recipe #2 with an added spicy kick to it.

Ingredients:
2 cups of pumpkin, chopped into chunks
2 cups of apple juice
1/2 cup of pineapple juice
1 teaspoon of honey
Ground cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg or allspice

Directions:
1) Juice the pumpkin pieces
2) Pour the pumpkin juice, apple juice, and pineapple juice into a blender
3) Add the honey to the juices and blend
4) Add your spices (to taste)
5) Chill or serve iced

Recipe 4)

This is a healthy version of pumpkin juice with all natural juices, no sweeteners.

Ingredients:
24 ounce Pumpkin (deseeded and skinned)
3 Oranges
1 inch Root Ginger

Directions:
1) Remove sections of pumpkin and scrape off seeds
2) Remove the pumpkins skin
3) Feed the pumpkin flesh through juicer
4) Peel the orange and ginger skins off
5) Juice the ginger followed by the oranges
6) Blend the pumpkin, orange, and ginger juices
7) Chill or serve iced

Recipe 5)

This is an instant variation that is a blend of four different dry ingredients. There is no pumpkin in this recipe, so it is not for Happy Potter purists!

Ingredients:
1/2 cup regular instant iced tea mix
1 cup orange drink mix
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

Directions:
1) Mix 2-3 Heaping tsp mix in 1 mug of Hot water.
2) Stir well
3) Serve hot or chilled (serve with ice)

-Dork Dad

“I’m just gonna keep turning up the volume on this screaming here until you break down and get me out of my crib,” he says.

“I know most babies would give up after 45 minutes. Nope, not me. Watch me crank it up again.”

Long story short, I’m lucky I got out of the house with matching socks this morning. I got to work, settled in, and got all revved up to write a post about the cutesy, dorky little thing we did this weekend when all of a sudden I realize…

…I left my phone at home this morning; along with all the photos that I needed for the blogpost.

What do you do when you’re all revved up to work on the blog but you don’t have any pictures to work with? Why, make up your own pictures of course.

So today, between patients, I noodled around with a few new thematic ideas for the blog. Ultimately I like the “look” as it is, so I don’t plan on changing things up any time soon. But it’s still fun to get the creative juices going. Here they are. Tell me what you think, and which one is your favorite:

Candidate 1: Adventure

Candidate 2: Oddly Multicultural Street In New York:

Candidate 3: Irondork (special thanks to faithful DorkDaddy.com Facebook participant Jeff Reisdorfer for working this up on his own initiative)

Candidate 4: The Grid

Candidate 5: Because Some People Demanded It

-Dork Dad

The recipe for success:

1) Treat yourself to the video below (for the record, it’s my favorite of the bunch).

2) Click on the R2D2 folding chair and enter for a chance to win it.

3) Tell all your friends.

May The Force be with you.

-Dork Dad